Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
