yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize