I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
