shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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