hotel room ftw
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
