Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
