Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
