I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize