I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
