Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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