yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
