How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
