We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
