It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
