you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize