I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize