The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
