Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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