In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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