I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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