yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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