so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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