last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
