i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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