i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
