I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
