overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
