Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
