..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
