she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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