operation have a gay friend backfired
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
