Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
