You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
