I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
