weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
