Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
