Duck Duck Cougar?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
