well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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