new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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