That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
