Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
