I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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