you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
