so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
