Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
