And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
