Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
