So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i want to swaddle you in tequila
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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