At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
