Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
