it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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