Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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