the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
