Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
