It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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