I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
