i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
