; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
