Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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