the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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