My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
