You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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