I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
