It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
