he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
