All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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