i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
