my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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