Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
