Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
