Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...so i touched it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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