Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
