I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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