I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
