Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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