I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I came so hard my ears popped.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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