I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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