Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
