thus making me awesome and them whores
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
