the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
