I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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