If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
