I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
